The Pyrates Royale (TM) and The Fakelin Mint (TM) are proud to announce the availability of an exclusive line of limited edition collector's plates. These items have been designed with the tastes of discerning patrons in mind, by the world famous Dutch sculptor, Ahmdahl Voortmann. They are constructed of the finest industrial polycarbonate (TM) polymers and are hand-painted by Olde Worlde(TM) artisans to depict festive images of Crusty(TM), the Pyrate mascot, available in your choice of blade argent on onyx (1997) or cutlass crimson on onyx, (1999).
Each piece is an exclusive numbered work of art that is sure to provide years of fine dining for you and your family. They come in their own individual handcrafted storage and carrying cases, complete with an informative brochure filled with helpful and informative information about the highly informing history of plates in western civilization. Please note that the plates are produced in the popular 5-inch hors d'ouvres size only.
The initial 1997 offering of the designer piece, "Hello, Sailor," was made at the special introductory price of $15 (plus shipping and handling).
Similar investment returns are expected for the 1999 offering of "Lyve Behind Bars."
Or you can purchase a matched set of the 1997 and 1999 plates for three easy payments of $39.95 each.
Please note that the 1996 plate "Klingon Warbird Exploding During the Kittimer Massacre" and the 1998 plate "Three-View Drawing of Toilet Compartment: Shuttle Okizuma" are not currently available due to ongoing intellectual property disputes with those pin-headed litiginous bastards at Paramount(TM).
Kodachrome(TM), Pepsi(TM), Chevrolet(TM) and Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum(TM) are all registered trademarks of Pyrateco(TM) and the Fakelin Mint(TM). Why yes, this IS satire, why do you ask?
-- Brilliant marketing copy brilliantly written by the lovely and brilliant C.J. Williams
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