Now, we pirates don't follow the, er, traditional Irish diet (exceptin' for that beer reference). Which may or may not be a good thing, depending on your opinion of these examples of fine maritime cuisine...

Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink
Thy will be drunk, and I will be drunk,
At home as it is in the pub
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers
For thine is the beer, the bitter, and the lager,
BARMEN.

"Mixed drinks were very popular after formal dinners. There were shrubs and syllabubs and a myriad of punches, not to mention the toddy and all the buttered drinks. Roman Punch seems to have been the most popular. There are many menus of public meals in the nineteenth century which finish with Roman Punch. It was a favorite of architect Stanford White as well as of Mark Twain; they both mention the drink in their papers. To the modern taste, it is rather strong and should be drunk with care..."

5 cups lemonade
1 cup champagne
1 cup rum
2 egg whites
1/4 cup powdered sugar
2 oranges, juiced

Mix together lemonade, champagne, rum, and orange juice. Whip the egg whites with powered sugar until they form peaks. Fold the whites into the liquid and freeze about an hour until it becomes slush. Serve immediately in wine glasses. Serves six.

...I told you it's dangerous to drink and cook...

Pass the Kale, Please

At the original Disneyland in California, they've shut down the "Pirates of the Carribbean" ride for two months for remodeling. When it opens again, the mechanical pirates who were formerly seen chasing buxom women around a tavern will be gone, replaced by computerized buccaneers who will be chasing not the women, you should understand, but the platters of food the women will be carrying.

Disneyland had received a few complaints about the pirates, who in fact have been putting on this show for some 30 years, a period during which sensitivities have changed greatly about the lighthearted treatment of rapine and a good many other things as well. And of course, this is no work of art being defaced, but simply an amusement park attraction being refurbished, so it's not as if the Sabine Women were being replaced by sacks of flower and sides of salt pork.

A spokeswoman for Disneyland said the new-and-improved blackguards, their carnal desires redirected, will nevertheless still behave like pirates. This may be so (if you make allowances for the absence of other piratical activities such as murdering, pillaging, burning and being hanged). There is after all nothing like a few years at sea to help a fellow work up a good appetite.

In the interest of authenticity, though, the Disney people ought to take care about what they put on the platters to be carried by the "wenchpersons." After long months of an unbalanced shipboard diet, what a seaman really wanted when he hit town in those days was Vitamin C, and lots of it. So, no sausages, capons, pigsheads, puddings, or beef roasts on those plates, please -- just lots of high fiber, vitamin-rich fruits, vegetables and cereals for the pirates of Disneyland as they bound around the tavern singing a hearty (but never lusty) chorus of "Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of kale juice."