Alcohol warnings, take heed!

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to...
...wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a rock at 100 yards.
...act like a bleedin' stupid git.
...tell the same boring story over and over again until your shipmates decide to throw you overboard.
...shay sings like thish.
...tell the captain what you REALLY think while taking a piss over the side of the ship.
...believe that former paramours are really dying for you to throw pebbles at their windows and sing love songs to them at 4 in the morning.
...wonder what the hell ever happened to your pants anyway.
...realize that you don't really care.
...roll over in the morning and see something really frightening, whose species or name you cannot recall.
...find a blue ribbon tied to your (name any personal body part).
...know for a fact that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named His Majesty, King Henry VIII.